# Four: Ways to begin and end congress and love quarrels

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CHAPTER X OF THE WAY HOW TO BEGIN AND HOW TO END THE CONGRESS. DIFFERENT KINDS OF CONGRESS AND LOVE QUARRELS

IN the pleasure-room, decorated with flowers, and fragrant with
perfumes, attended by his friends and servants, the citizen should
receive the woman, who will come bathed and dressed, and will invite
her to take refreshment and to drink freely. He should then seat her
on his left side, and holding her hair, and touching also the end and
knot of her garment, he should gently embrace her with his right arm.
They should then carry on an amusing conversation on various subjects,
and may also talk suggestively of things which would be considered as
coarse, or not to be mentioned generally in society. They may then
sing, either with or without gesticulations, and play on musical
instruments, talk about the arts, and persuade each other to drink. At
last when the woman is overcome with love and desire, the citizen
should dismiss the people that may be with him, giving them flowers,
ointments, and betel leaves, and then when the two are left alone,
they should proceed as has been already described in the previous
chapters.

Such is the beginning of sexual union. At the end of the congress, the
lovers with modesty, and not looking at each other, should go
separately to the washing-room. After this, sitting in their own
places, they should eat some betel leaves, and the citizen should
apply with his own hand to the body of the woman some pure sandal wood
ointment, or ointment of some other kind. He should then embrace her
with his left arm, and with agreeable words should cause her to drink
from a cup held in his own hand, or he may give her water to drink.
They can then eat sweetmeats, or anything else, according to their
likings and may drink fresh juice,\footnote{$^1$}
{The fresh juice of the cocoa nut tree, the date tree, and other
kinds of palm trees are drunk in India. It will keep fresh very
long, but ferments rapidly, and is then distilled into liquor.}
soup, gruel, extracts of meat,
sherbet, the juice of mango fruits, the extract of the juice of the
citron tree mixed with sugar, or anything that may be liked in
different countries, and known to be sweet, soft, and pure. The lovers
may also sit on the terrace of the palace or house, and enjoy the
moonlight, and carry on an agreeable conversation. At this time, too,
while the woman lies in his lap, with her face towards the moon, the
citizen should show her the different planets, the morning star, the
polar star, and the seven Rishis, or Great Bear.

This is the end of sexual union.

Congress is of the following kinds:
\item{} Loving congress
\item{} Congress of subsequent love
\item{} Congress of artificial love
\item{} Congress of transferred love
\item{} Congress like that of eunuchs
\item{} Deceitful congress
\item{} Congress of spontaneous love

When a man and a woman, who have been in love with each other for some
time, come together with great difficulty, or when one of the two
returns from a journey, or is reconciled after having been separated
on account of a quarrel, then congress is called the loving
congress'. It is carried on according to the liking of the lovers, and
as long as they choose.

When two persons come together, while their love for each other is
still in its infancy, their congress is called the congress of
subsequent love'.

When a man carries on the congress by exciting himself by means of the
sixty-four ways, such as kissing, etc., etc., or when a man and a
woman come together, though in reality they are both attached to
different persons, their congress is then called congress of
artificial love'. At this time all the ways and means mentioned in the
Kama Shastra should be used.

When a man, from the beginning to the end of the congress, though
having connection with the woman, thinks all the time that he is
enjoying another one whom he loves, it is called the congress of
transferred love'.

Congress between a man and a female water carrier, or a female servant
of a caste lower than his own, lasting only until the desire is
satisfied, is called congress like that of eunuchs'. Here external
touches, kisses, and manipulation are not to be employed.

The congress between a courtesan and a rustic, and that between
citizens and the women of villages, and bordering countries, is called
deceitful congress'.

The congress that takes place between two persons who are attached to
one another, and which is done according to their own liking is called
spontaneous congress'.

Thus end the kinds of congress.

We shall now speak of love quarrels.

A woman who is very much in love with a man cannot bear to hear the
name of her rival mentioned, or to have any conversation regarding
her, or to be addressed by her name through mistake. If such takes
place, a great quarrel arises, and the woman cries, becomes angry,
tosses her hair about, strikes her lover, falls from her bed or seat,
and, casting aside her garlands and ornaments, throws herself down on
the ground.

At this time, the lover should attempt to reconcile her with
conciliatory words, and should take her up carefully and place her on
her bed. But she, not replying to his questions, and with increased
anger, should bend down his head by pulling his hair, and having
kicked him once, twice, or thrice on his arms, head, bosom or back,
should then proceed to the door of the room. Dattaka says that she
should then sit angrily near the door and shed tears, but should not
go out, because she would be found fault with for going away. After a
time, when she thinks that the conciliatory words and actions of her
lover have reached their utmost, she should then embrace him, talking
to him with harsh and reproachful words, but at the same time showing
a loving desire for congress.

When the woman is in her own house, and has quarrelled with her lover,
she should go to him and show how angry she is, and leave him.
Afterwards the citizen having sent the Vita, the Vidushaka or the
Pithamarda\footnote{$^2$}
{The characteristics of these three individuals have been given
in Part I, page 117.}
to pacify her, she should accompany them back to the
house, and spend the night with her lover.

Thus end the love quarrels.

In conclusion.

A man, employing the sixty-four means mentioned by Babhravya, obtains
his object, and enjoys the woman of the first quality. Though he may
speak well on other subjects, if he does not know the sixty-four
divisions, no great respect is paid to him in the assembly of the
learned. A man, devoid of other knowledge, but well acquainted with
the sixty-four divisions, becomes a leader in any society of men and
women. What man will not respect the sixty-four arts,\footnote{$^3$}
{A definition of the sixty-four arts is given in Part I, Chapter
III, pages 107-111.}
considering
they are respected by the learned, by the cunning, and by the
courtesans. As the sixty-four arts are respected, are charming, and
add to the talent of women, they are called by the Acharyas dear to
women. A man skilled in the sixty-four arts is looked upon with love
by his own wife, by the wives of others, and by courtesans.

PART III ABOUT THE ACQUISITION OF A WIFE ON MARRIAGE

WHEN a girl of the same caste, and a virgin, is married in accordance
with the precepts of Holy Writ, the results of such a union are the
acquisition of Dharma and Artha, offspring, affinity, increase of
friends, and untarnished love. For this reason a man should fix his
affections upon a girl who is of good family, whose parents are alive,
and who is three years or more younger than himself. She should be
born of a highly respectable family, possessed of wealth, well
connected, and with many relations and friends. She should also be
beautiful, of a good disposition, with lucky marks on her body, and
with good hair, nails, teeth, ears, eyes and breasts, neither more nor
less than they ought to be, and no one of them entirely wanting, and
not troubled with a sickly body. The man should, of course, also
possess these qualities himself. But at all events, says Ghotakamukha,
a girl who has been already joined with others (i.e. no longer a
maiden) should never be loved, for it would be reproachable to do such
a thing.

Now in order to bring about a marriage with such a girl as described
above, thee parents and relations of the man should exert themselves,
as also such friends on both sides as may be desired to assist in the
matter. These friends should bring to the notice of the girl's
parents, the faults, both present and future, of all the other men
that may wish to marry her, and should at the same time extol even to
exaggeration all the excellencies, ancestral, and paternal, of their
friend, so as to endear him to them, and particularly to those that
may be liked by the girl's mother. One of the friends should also
disguise himself as an astrologer, and declare the future good fortune
and wealth of his friend by showing the existence of all the lucky
omens\footnote{$^1$}
{The flight of a blue jay on a person's left side is considered
a lucky omen when one starts on any business; the appearance of
a cat before anyone at such a time is looked on as a bad omen.
There are many omens of the same kind.}
and signs,\footnote{$^2$}
{Such as the throbbing of the right eye of men and the left eye
of women, etc.}
the good influence of planets, the auspicious
entrance of the sun into a sign of the Zodiac, propitious stars and
fortunate marks on his body. Others again should rouse the jealousy of
the girl's mother by telling her that their friend has a chance of
getting from some other quarter even a better girl than hers.

A girl should be taken as a wife, as also given in marriage, when
fortune, signs, omens, and the words\footnote{$^3$}
{Before anything is begun it is a custom to go early in the
morning to a neighbour's house, and overhear the first words
that may be spoken in his family, and according as the words
heard are of good or bad import, to draw an inference as to the
success or failure of the undertaking.}
of others are favourable, for,
says Ghotakamukha, a man should not marry at any time he likes. A girl
who is asleep, crying, or gone out of the house when sought in
marriage, or who is betrothed to another, should not be married. The
following also should be avoided:
\item{*} One who is kept concealed
\item{*} One who has an ill-sounding name
\item{*} One who has her nose depressed
\item{*} One who has her nostril turned up
\item{*} One who is formed like a male
\item{*} One who is bent down
\item{*} One who has crooked thighs
\item{*} One who has a projecting forehead
\item{*} One who has a bald head
\item{*} One who does not like purity
\item{*} One who has been polluted by another
\item{*} One who is affected with the Gulma\footnote{$^4$}
{A disease consisting of any glandular enlargement in any part
of the body.}
\item{*} One who is disfigured in any way
\item{*} One who has fully arrived at puberty
\item{*} One who is a friend
\item{*} One who is a younger sister
\item{*} One who is a Varshakari\footnote{$^5$}
{A woman, the palms of whose hands and the soles of whose feet
are always perspiring.}

In the same way a girl who is called by the name of one of the
twenty-seven stars, or by the name of a tree, or of a river, is
considered worthless, as also a girl whose name ends in r' or l'.
But some authors say that prosperity is gained only by marrying that
girl to whom one becomes attached, and that therefore no other girl
but the one who is loved should be married by anyone.

When a girl becomes marriageable her parents should dress her smartly,
and should place her where she can be easily seen by all. Every
afternoon, having dressed her and decorated her in a becoming manner,
they should send her with her female companions to sports, sacrifices,
and marriage ceremonies, and thus show her to advantage in society,
because she is a kind of merchandise. They should also receive with
kind words and signs of friendliness those of an auspicious appearance
who may come accompanied by their friends and relations for the
purpose of marrying their daughter, and under some pretext or other
having first dressed her becomingly, should then present her to them.
After this they should await the pleasure of fortune, and with this
object should appoint a future day on which a determination could be
come to with regard to their daughter's marriage. On this occasion
when the persons have come, the parents of the girl should ask them to
bathe and dine, and should say, Everything will take place at the
proper time', and should not then comply with the request, but should
settle the matter later.

When a girl is thus acquired, either according to the custom of the
country, or according to his own desire, the man should marry her in
accordance with the precepts of the Holy Writ, according to one of the
four kinds of marriage.

Thus ends marriage.

There are also some verses on the subject as follows:

Amusement in society, such as completing verses begun by others,
marriages, and auspicious ceremonies should be carried on neither with
superiors, nor inferiors, but with our equals. That should be known as
a high connection when a man, after marrying a girl, has to serve her
and her relations afterwards like a servant, and such a connection is
censured by the good. On the other hand, that reproachable connection,
where a man, together with his relations, lords it over his wife, is
called a low connection by the wise. But when both the man and the
woman afford mutual pleasure to each other, and when the relatives on
both sides pay respect to one another, such is called a connection in
the proper sense of the word. Therefore a man should contract neither
a high connection by which he is obliged to bow down afterwards to his
kinsmen, nor a low connection, which is universally reprehended by
all.'

CHAPTER II OF CREATING CONFIDENCE IN THE GIRL

FOR the first three days after marriage, the girl and her husband
should sleep on the floor, abstain from sexual pleasures, and eat
their food without seasoning it either with alkali or salt. For the
next seven days they should bathe amidst tire sounds of auspicious
musical instruments, should decorate themselves, dine together, and
pay attention to their relations as well as to those who may have come
to witness their marriage. This is applicable to persons of all
castes. On the night of the tenth day the man should begin in a lonely
place with soft words, and thus create confidence in the girl. Some
authors say that for the purpose of winning her over he should not
speak to her for three days, but the followers of Babhravya are of
opinion that if the man does not speak with her for three days, the
girl may be discouraged by seeing him spiritless like a pillar, and,
becoming dejected, she may begin to despise him as a eunuch.
Vatsyayana says that the man should begin to win her over, and to
create confidence in her, but should abstain at first from sexual
pleasures. Women, being of a tender nature, want tender beginnings,
and when they are forcibly approached by men with whom they are but
slightly acquainted, they sometimes suddenly become haters of sexual
connection, and sometimes even haters of the male sex. The man should
therefore approach the girl according to her liking, and should make
use of those devices by which he may be able to establish himself more
and more into her confidence. These devices are as follows:

He should embrace her first of all in a way she likes most, because it
does not last for a long time.

He should embrace her with the upper part of his body because that is
easier and simpler. If the girl is grown up, or if the man has known
her for some time, he may embrace her by the light of a lamp, but if
he is not well acquainted with her, or if she is a young girl, he
should then embrace her in darkness.

When the girl accepts the embrace, the man should put a tambula or
screw of betel nut and betel leaves in her mouth, and if she will not
take it, he should induce her to do so by conciliatory words,
entreaties, oaths, and kneeling at her feet, for it is a universal
rule that however bashful or angry a woman may be she never disregards
a man's kneeling at her feet. At the time of giving this tambula he
should kiss her mouth softly and gracefully without making any sound.
When she is gained over in this respect he should then make her talk,
and so that she may be induced to talk he should ask her questions
about things of which he knows or pretends to know nothing, and which
can be answered in a few words. If she does not speak to him, he
should not frighten her, but should ask her the same thing again and
again in a conciliatory manner. If she does not then speak he should
urge her to give a reply because, as Ghotakamukha says, all girls
hear everything said to them by men, but do not themselves sometimes
say a single word'. When she is thus importuned, the girl should give
replies by shakes of the head, but if she has quarrelled with the man
she should not even do that. When she is asked by the man whether she
wishes for him, and whether she likes him, she should remain silent
for a long time, and when at last importuned to reply, should give him
a favourable answer by a nod of her head. If the man is previously
acquainted with the girl he should converse with her by means of a
female friend, who may be favourable to him, and in the confidence of
both, and carry on the conversation on both sides. On such an occasion
the girl should smile with her head bent down, and if the female
friend say more on her part than she was desired to do, she should
chide her and dispute with her. The female friend should say in jest
even what she is not desired to say by the girl, and add, she says
so', on which the girl should say indistinctly and prettily, O no!
I did not say so', and she should then smile and throw an occasional
glance towards the man.

If the girl is familiar with the man, she should place near him,
without saying anything, the tambula, the ointment, or the garland
that he may have asked for, or she may tie them up in his upper
garment. While she is engaged in this, the man should touch her young
breasts in the sounding way of pressing with the nails, and if she
prevents him doing this he should say to her,  I will not do it again
if you will embrace me', and should in this way cause her to embrace
him. While he is being embraced by her he should pass his hand
repeatedly over and about her body. By and by he should place her in
his lap, and try more and more to gain her consent, and if she will
not yield to him he should frighten her by saying I shall impress
marks of my teeth and nails on your lips and breasts, and then make
similar marks on my own body, and shall tell my friends that you did
them. What will you say then?' In this and other ways, as fear and
confidence are created in the minds of children, so should the man
gain her over to his wishes.

On the second and third nights, after her confidence has increased
still more, he should feel the whole of her body with his hands, and
kiss her all over; he should also place his hands upon her thighs and
shampoo them, and if he succeed in this he should then shampoo the
joints of her thighs. If she tries to prevent him doing this he should
say to her, What harm is there in doing it?' and should persuade her
to let him do it. After gaining this point he should touch her private
parts, should loosen her girdle and the knot of her dress, and turning
up her lower garment should shampoo the joints of her naked thighs.
Under various pretences he should do all these things, but he should
not at that time begin actual congress. After this he should teach her
the sixty-four arts, should tell her how much he loves her, and
describe to her the hopes which he formerly entertained regarding her.
He should also promise to be faithful to her in future, and should
dispel all her fears with respect to rival women, and, at last, after
having overcome her bashfulness, he should begin to enjoy her in a way
so as not to frighten her. So much about creating confidence in the
girl; and there are, moreover, some verses on the subject as follows:

A man acting according to the inclinations of a girl should try to
gain her over so that she may love him and place her confidence in
him. A man does not succeed either by implicitly following the
inclination of a girl, or by wholly opposing her, and he should
therefore adopt a middle course. He who knows how to make himself
beloved by women, as well as to increase their honour and create
confidence in them, this man becomes an object of their love. But he
who neglects a girl, thinking she is too bashful, is despised by her
as a beast ignorant of the working of the female mind. Moreover, a
girl forcibly enjoyed by one who does not understand the hearts of
girls becomes nervous, uneasy, and dejected, and suddenly begins to
hate the man who has taken advantage of her; and then, when her love
is not understood or returned, she sinks into despondency, and becomes
either a hater of mankind altogether, or, hating her own man, she has
recourse to other men.'\footnote{$^1$}
{These last few lines have been exemplified in many ways in many
novels of this century.

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