# Nine: Finding the ideal man

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CHAPTER I OF THE CAUSES OF A COURTESAN RESORTING TO MEN;OF THE MEANS OF ATTACHING TO HERSELF THE MAN DESIRED;AND OF THE KIND OF MAN THAT IT IS DESIRABLE TO BE ACQUAINTED WITH}

By having intercourse with men courtesans obtain sexual pleasure, as
well as their own maintenance. Now when a courtesan takes up with a
man from love, the action is natural; but when she resorts to him for
the purpose of getting money, her action is artificial or forced. Even
in the latter case, however, she should conduct herself as if her love
were indeed natural, because men repose their confidence on those
women who apparently love them. In making known her love to the man,
she should show an entire freedom from avarice, and for the sake of
her future credit she should abstain from acquiring money from him by
unlawful means.

A courtesan, well dressed and wearing her ornaments, should sit or
stand at the door of her house, and, without exposing herself too
much, should look on the public road so as to be seen by the passers
by, she being like an object on view for sale.\footnote{$^1$}
{In England the lower classes of courtesans walk the streets: in
India and other places in the East, they sit at the windows, or
at the doors of their houses.}
She should form
friendships with such persons as would enable her to separate men from
other women, and attach them to herself, to repair her own
misfortunes, to acquire wealth, and to protect her from being bullied,
or set upon by persons with whom she may have dealings of some kind or
another.

These persons are:
\item{*} The guards of the town, or the police
\item{*} The officers of the courts of justice
\item{*} Astrologers
\item{*} Powerful men, or men with interest
\item{*} Learned men
\item{*} Teachers of the sixty-four arts
\item{*} Pithamardas or confidants
\item{*} Vitas or parasites
\item{*} Vidushakas or jesters
\item{*} Flower sellers
\item{*} Perfumers
\item{*} Vendors of spirits
\item{*} Washermen
\item{*} Barbers
\item{*} Beggars

And such other persons as may be found necessary for the particular
object to be acquired.

The following kinds of men may be taken up with, simply for the
purpose of getting their money:
\item{*} Men of independent income
\item{*} Young men
\item{*} Men who are free from any ties
\item{*} Men who hold places of authority under the king
\item{*} Men who have secured their means of livelihood without difficulty
\item{*} Men possessed of unfailing sources of income
\item{*} Men who consider themselves handsome
\item{*} Men who are always praising themselves
\item{*} One who is a eunuch, but wishes to be thought a man
\item{*} One who hates his equals One who is naturally liberal
\item{*} One who has influence with the king or his ministers
\item{*} One who is always fortunate
\item{*} One who is proud of his wealth
\item{*} One who disobeys the orders of his elders
\item{*} One upon whom the members of his caste keep an eye
\item{*} An only son whose father is wealthy
\item{*} An ascetic who is internally troubled with desire
\item{*} A brave man
\item{*} A physician of the king
\item{*} Previous acquaintances

On the other hand, those who are possessed of excellent qualities are
to be resorted to for the sake of love, and fame. Such men are as
follows:

Men of high birth, learned, with a good knowledge of the world, and
doing the proper things at the proper times, poets, good story
tellers, eloquent men, energetic men, skilled in various arts,
far-seeing into the future, possessed of great minds, full of
perseverance, of a firm devotion, free from anger, liberal,
affectionate to their parents, and with a liking for all social
gatherings, skilled in completing verses begun by others and in
various other sports, free from all disease, possessed of a perfect
body, strong, and not addicted to drinking, powerful in sexual
enjoyment, sociable, showing love towards women and attracting their
hearts to himself, but not entirely devoted to them, possessed of
independent means of livelihood, free from envy, and last of all, free
from suspicion.

Such are the good qualifies of a man.

The woman also should have the following characteristics:

She should be possessed of beauty, and amiability, with auspicious
body marks. She should have a liking for good qualifies in other
people, as also a liking for wealth. She should take delight in sexual
unions, resulting from love, and should be of a firm mind, and of the
same class as the man with regard to sexual enjoyment.

She should always be anxious to acquire and obtain experience and
knowledge, be free from avarice, and always have a liking for social
gatherings, and for the arts.

The following are the ordinary qualities of all women:

To be possessed of intelligence, good disposition, and good manners;
to be straightforward in behaviour, and to be grateful; to consider
well the future before doing anything; to possess activity, to be of
consistent behaviour, and to have a knowledge of the proper times and
places for doing things; to speak always without meanness, loud
laughter, malignity, anger, avarice, dullness, or stupidity; to have a
knowledge of the Kama Sutra, and to be skilled in all the arts
connected with it.

The faults of women are to be known by the absence of any of the above
mentioned good qualities.

The following kinds of men are not fit to be resorted to by
courtesans:

One who is consumptive; one who is sickly; one whose mouth contains
worms; one whose breath smells like human excrement; one whose wife is
dear to him; one who speaks harshly; one who is always suspicious; one
who is avaricious; one who is pitiless; one who is a thief; one who is
self-conceited; one who has a liking for sorcery; one who does not
care for respect or disrespect; one who can be gained over even by his
enemies by means of money; and lastly, one who is extremely bashful.

Ancient authors are of opinion that the causes of a courtesan
resorting to men are love, fear, money, pleasure, returning some act
of enmity, curiosity, sorrow, constant intercourse, Dharma, celebrity,
compassion, the desire of having a friend, shame, the likeness of the
man to some beloved person, the search after good fortune, the getting
rid of the love of somebody else, the being of the same class as the
man with respect to sexual union, living in the same place, constancy,
and poverty. But Vatsyayana decides that desire of wealth, freedom
from misfortune, and love are the only causes that affect the union of
courtesans with men.

Now a courtesan should not sacrifice money to her love, because money
is the chief thing to be attended to. But in cases of fear, etc., she
should pay regard to strength and other qualities. Moreover, even
though she be invited by any man to join him, she shoUld not at once
consent to a union, because men are apt to despise things which are
easily acquired. On such occasions she should first send the
shampooers, and the singers, and the jesters, who may be in her
service, or, in their absence the Pithamardas, or confidants, and
others, to find out the state of his feelings, and the condition of
his mind. By means of these persons she should ascertain whether the
man is pure or impure, affected, or the reverse, capable of
attachment, or indifferent, liberal or niggardly; and if she finds him
to her liking, she should then employ the Vita and others to attach
his mind to her.

Accordingly, the Pithamarda should bring the man to her house, under
the pretence of seeing the fights of quails, cocks, and rams, of
hearing the mania (a kind of starling) talk, or of seeing some other
spectacle, or the practice of some art; or he may take the woman to
the abode of the man. After this, when the man comes to her house the
woman should give him something capable of producing curiosity, and
love in his heart, such as an affectionate present, telling him that
it was specially designed for his use. She should also amuse him for a
long time by telling him such stories, and doing such things as he may
take most delight in. When he goes away she should frequently send to
him a female attendant, skilled in carrying on a jesting conversation,
and also a small present at the same time. She should also sometimes
go to him herself under the pretence of some business, and accompanied
by the Pithamarda.

Thus end the means of attaching to herself the man desired.

There are also some verses on the subject as follows:

When a lover comes to her abode, a courtesan should give him a
mixture of betel leaves and betel nut, garlands of flowers, and
perfumed ointments, and, showing her skill in arts, should entertain
him with a long conversation. She should also give him some loving
presents, and make an exchange of her own things with his, and at the
same time should show him her skill in sexual enjoyment. When a
courtesan is thus united with her lover she should always delight him
by affectionate gifts, by conversation, and by the application of
tender means of enjoyment.'

CHAPTER II OF LIVING LIKE A WIFE

WHEN a courtesan is living as a wife with her lover, she should behave
like a chaste woman, and do everything to his satisfaction. Her duty
in this respect, in short, is, that she should give him pleasure, but
should not become attached to him, though behaving as if she were
really attached.

Now the following is the manner in which she is to conduct herself, so
as to accomplish the above mentioned purpose. She should have a mother
dependent on her, one who should be represented as very harsh, and who
looked upon money as her chief object in life. In the event of there
being no mother, then an old and confidential nurse should play the
same role. The mother or nurse, on their part, should appear to be
displeased with the lover, and forcibly take her away from him. The
woman herself should always show pretended anger, dejection, fear, and
shame on this account, but should not disobey the mother or nurse at
any time.

She should make out to the mother or nurse that the man is suffering
from bad health, and making this a pretext for going to see him, she
should go on that account. She is, moreover, to do the following
things for the purpose of gaining the man's favour:

Sending her female attendant to bring the flowers used by him on the
previous day, in order that she may use them herself as a mark of
affection, also asking for the mixture of betel nut and leaves that
have remained uneaten by him; expressing wonder at his knowledge of
sexual intercourse, and the several means of enjoyment used by him;
learning from him the sixty-four kinds of pleasure mentioned by
Babhravya; continually practising the ways of enjoyment as taught by
him, and according to his liking; keeping his secrets; telling him her
own desires and secrets; concealing her anger; never neglecting him on
the bed when he turns his face towards her; touching any parts of his
body according to his wish; kissing and embracing him when he is
asleep; looking at him with apparent anxiety when he is wrapt in
thought, or thinking of some other subject than herself; showing
neither complete shamelessness, nor excessive bashfulness when he
meets her, or sees her standing on the terrace of her house from the
public road; hating his enemies; loving those who are dear to him;
showing a liking for that which he likes; being in high or low spirits
according to the state that he is in himself; expressing a curiosity
to see his wives; not continuing her anger for a long time; suspecting
even the marks and wounds made by herself with. her nails and teeth on
his body to have been made by some other woman; keeping her love for
him unexpressed by words, but showing it by deeds, and signs, and
hints; remaining silent when he is asleep, intoxicated, or sick; being
very attentive when he describes his good actions, and reciting them
afterwards to his praise and benefit; giving witty replies to him if
he be sufficiently attached to her; listening to all his stories,
except those that relate to her rivals; expressing feelings of
dejection and sorrow if he sighs, yawns, or falls down; pronouncing
the words live long' when he sneezes; pretending to be ill, or to
have the desire of pregnancy, when she feels dejected; abstaining from
praising the good qualities of anybody else, and from censuring those
who possess the same faults as her own man; wearing anything that may
have been given to her by him; abstaining from putting on her
ornaments, and from taking food when he is in pain, sick,
low-spirited, or suffering from misfortune, and condoling and
lamenting with him over the same; wishing to accompany him if he
happens to leave the country himself or if he be banished from it by
the king; expressing a desire not to live after him; telling him that
the whole object and desire of her life was to be united with him;
offering previously promised sacrifices to the Deity when he acquires
wealth, or has some desire fulfilled, or when he has recovered from
some illness or disease; putting on ornaments every day; not acting
too freely with him; reciting his name and the name of his family in
her songs placing his hand on her loins, bosom and forehead, and
falling asleep after feeling the pleasure of his touch; sitting on his
lap and falling asleep there; wishing to have a child by him; desiring
not to live longer than he does; abstaining from revealing his secrets
to others; dissuading him from vows and fasts by saying let the sin
fall upon me'; keeping vows and fasts along with him when it is
impossible to change his mind on the subject; telling him that vows
and fasts are difficult to be observed, even by herself, when she has
any dispute with him about them; looking on her own wealth and his
without any distinction; abstaining from going to public assemblies
without him, and accompanying him when he desires her to do so; taking
delight in using things previously used by him, and in eating food
that he has left uneaten; venerating his family, his disposition, his
skill in the arts, his learning, his caste, his complexion, his native
country, his friends, his good qualifies, his age, and his sweet
temper; asking him to sing, and to do other such like things, if able
to do them; going to him without paying any regard to fear, to cold,
to heat, or to rain; saying with regard to the next world that he
should be her lover even there; adapting her tastes, disposition and
actions to his liking; abstaining from sorcery; disputing continually
with her mother on the subject of going to him, and, when forcibly
taken by her mother to some other place, expressing her desire to die
by taking poison, by starving herself to death, by stabbing herself
with some weapon, or by hanging herself; and lastly assuring the man
of her constancy and love by means of her agents, and receiving money
herself, but abstaining from any dispute with her mother with regard
to pecuniary matters.

When the man sets out on a journey, she should make him swear that he
will return quickly, and in his absence should put aside her vows of
worshipping the Deity, and should wear no ornaments except those that
are lucky. If the time fixed for his return has passed, she should
endeavour to ascertain the real time of his return from omens, from
the reports of the people, and from the positions of the planets, the
moon and the stars. On occasions of amusement, and of auspicious
dreams, she should say Let me be soon united to him.' If, moreover,
she feels melancholy, or sees any inauspicious omen, she should
perform some rite to appease the Deity.

When the man does return home she should worship the God Kama%
%%', should be footnote 1??
\footnote{$^1$}{Kama, i.e. the Indian Cupid.}
and
offer oblations to other Deities, and having caused a pot filled with
water to be brought by her friends, she should perform the worship in
honour of the crow who eats the offerings which we make to the manes
of deceased relations. After the first visit is over she should ask
her lover also to perform certain rites, and this he will do if he is
sufficiently attached to her.

Now a man is said to be sufficiently attached to a woman when his love
is disinterested; when he has the same object in view as his beloved
one; when he is quite free from any suspicions on her account; and
when he is indifferent to money with regard to her.

Such is the manner of a courtesan living with a man like a wife, and
set forth here for the sake of guidance from the rules of Dattaka.
What is not laid down here should be practised according to the custom
of the people, and the nature of each individual man.

There are also two verses on the subject as follows:

The extent of the love of women is not known, even to those who are
the objects of their affection, on account of its subtlety, and on
account of the avarice, and natural intelligence of womankind.'

Women are hardly ever known in their true light, though they may love
men, or become indifferent towards them, may give them delight, or
abandon them, or may extract from them all the wealth that they may
possess.

CHAPTER IIIOF THE MEANS OF GETTING MONEY, OF THE SIGNS OF THECHANGE OF A LOVER'S FEELINGS, ANDOF THE WAY TO GET RID OF HIM}

MONEY is got out of a lover in two ways:

By natural or lawful means, and by artifices. Old authors are of
opinion that when a courtesan can get as much money as she wants from
her lover, she should not make use of artifice. But Vatsyayana lays
down that though she may get some money from him by natural means, yet
when she makes use of artifice he gives her doubly more, and therefore
artifice should be resorted to for the purpose of extorting money from
him at all events.

Now the artifices to be used for getting money from her lover are as
follows:
\item{} Taking money from him on different occasions, for the purpose of
purchasing various articles, such as ornaments, food, drink,
flowers, perfumes and clothes, and either not buying them, or
getting from him more than their cost.
\item{} Praising his intelligence to his face.
\item{} Pretending to be obliged to make gifts on occasion of festivals
connected with vows, trees, gardens, temples, or tanks.\footnote{$^1$}
{On the completion of a vow a festival takes place. Some trees,
such as the Peepul and Banyan trees, are invested with sacred
threads like the Brahman's, and on the occasion of this
ceremony a festival is given. In the same way when gardens are
made, and tanks or temples built, then also festivals are
observed.}
\item{} Pretending that at the time of going to his house, her jewels have
been stolen either by the king's guards, or by robbers.
\item{} Alleging that her property has been destroyed by fire, by the
falling of her house, or by the carelessness of her servants.
\item{} Pretending to have lost the ornaments of her lover along with her
own.
\item{} Causing him to hear through other people of the expenses incurred
by her in coming to see him.
\item{} Contracting debts for the sake of her lover.
\item{} Disputing with her mother on account of some expense incurred by
her for her lover, and which was not approved of by her mother.
\item{} Not going to parties and festivities in the houses of her friends
for the want of presents to make to them, she having previously
informed her lover of the valuable presents given to her by these
very friends.
\item{} Not performing certain festive rites under the pretence that she
has no money to perform them with.
\item{} Engaging artists to do something for her lover.
\item{} Entertaining physicians and ministers for the purpose of attaining
some object.
\item{} Assisting friends and benefactors both on festive occasions, and in
misfortune.
\item{} Performing household rites.
\item{} Having to pay the expenses of the ceremony of marriage of the son
of a female friend.
\item{} Having to satisfy curious wishes including her state of pregnancy.
\item{} Pretending to be ill, and charging her cost of treatment.
\item{} Having to remove the troubles of a friend.
\item{} Selling some of her ornaments, so as to give her lover a present.
\item{} Pretending to sell some of her ornaments, furniture, or cooking
utensils to a trader, who has been already tutored how to behave in
the matter.
\item{} Having to buy cooking utensils of greater value than those of other
people, so that they might be more easily distinguished, and not
changed for others of an inferior description.
\item{} Remembering the former favours of her lover, and causing them
always to be spoken of by her friends and followers.
\item{} Informing her lover of the great gains of other courtesans.
\item{} Describing before them, and in the presence of her lover, her own
great gains, and making them out to be greater even than theirs,
though such may not have been really the case.
\item{} Openly opposing her mother when she endeavours to persuade her to
take up with men with whom she has been formerly acquainted, on
account of the great gains to be got from them.
\item{} Lastly, pointing out to her lover the liberality of his rivals.

Thus end the ways and means of getting money.

A woman should always know the state of the mind, of the feelings, and
of the disposition of her lover towards her from the changes of his
temper, his manner, and the colour of his face.

The behaviour of a waning lover is as follows:
\item{} He gives the woman either less than is wanted, or something else
than that which is asked for.
\item{} He keeps her in hopes by promises.
\item{} He pretends to do one thing, and does something else.
\item{} He does not fulfil her desires.
\item{} He forgets his promises, or does something else than that which he
has promised.
\item{} He speaks with his own servants in a mysterious way.
\item{} He sleeps in some other house under the pretence of having to do
something for a friend.
\item{} Lastly, he speaks in private with the attendants of a woman with
whom he was formerly acquainted.

Now when a courtesan finds that her lover's disposition towards her is
changing, she should get possession of all his best things before he
becomes aware of her intentions, and allow a supposed creditor to take
them away forcibly from her in satisfaction of some pretended debt.
After this, if the lover is rich, and has always behaved well towards
her, she should ever treat him with respect; but if he is poor and
destitute, she should get rid of him as if she had never been
acquainted with him in any way before.

The means of getting rid of a lover are as follows:
\item{} Describing the habits and vices of the lover as disagreeable and
censurable, with the sneer of the lip, and the stamp of the foot.
\item{} Speaking on a subject with which he is not acquainted.
\item{} Showing no admiration for his learning, and passing a censure upon
it.
\item{} Putting down his pride.
\item{} Seeking the company of men who are superior to him in learning and
wisdom.
\item{} Showing a disregard for him on all occasions.
\item{} Censuring men possessed of the same faults as her lover.
\item{} Expressing dissatisfaction at the ways and means of enjoyment used
by him.
\item{} Not giving him her mouth to kiss.
\item{} Refusing access to her jaghana, i.e. the part of the body between
the navel and the thighs.
\item{} Showing a dislike for the wounds made by his nails and teeth.
\item{} Not pressing close up against him at the time when he embraces her.
\item{} Keeping her limbs without movement at the time of congress.
\item{} Desiring him to enjoy her when he is fatigued.
\item{} Laughing at his attachment to her.
\item{} Not responding to his embraces.
\item{} Turning away from him when be begins to embrace her.
\item{} Pretending to be sleepy.
\item{} Going out visiting, or into company, when she perceives his desire
to enjoy her during the daytime.
\item{} Mis-constructing his words.
\item{} Laughing without any joke, or, at the time of any joke made by him,
laughing under some pretence.
\item{} Looking with side glances at her own attendants, and clapping her
hands when he says anything.
\item{} Interrupting him in the middle of his stories, and beginning to
tell other stories herself.
\item{} Reciting his faults and his vices, and declaring them to be
incurable.
\item{} Saying words to her female attendants calculated to cut the heart
of her lover to the quick.
\item{} Taking care not to look at him when he comes to her.
\item{} Asking him what cannot be granted.
\item{} And, after all, finally dismissing him.

There are also two verses on this subject as follows:

The duty of a courtesan consists in forming connections with suitable
men after due and full consideration, and attaching the person with
whom she is united to herself; in obtaining wealth from the person who
is attached to her, and then dismissing him after she has taken away
all his possessions.'

A courtesan leading in this manner the life of a wife is not troubled
with too many lovers, and yet obtains abundance of wealth.'

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