Ten: Hooking up with your ex

Ten:  Hooking up with your ex
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CHAPTER IVABOUT RE-UNION WITH A FORMER LOVER




WHEN a courtesan abandons her present lover after all his wealth is
exhausted, she may then consider about her reunion with a former
lover. But she should return to him only if he has acquired fresh
wealth, or is still wealthy, and if he is still attached to her. And
if this man be living at the time with some other woman she should
consider well before she acts.


Now such a man can only be in one of the six following conditions:
\item{} He may have left the first woman of his own accord, and may even
have left another woman since then.
\item{} He may have been driven away from both women.
\item{} He may have left the one woman of her own accord, and been driven
away by the other.
\item{} He may have left the one woman of his own accord, and be living
with another woman.
\item{} He may have been driven away from the one woman, and left the other
of his own accord.
\item{} He may have been driven away by the one woman, and may be living
with another.


Now if the man has left both women of his own accord, he should not be
resorted to, on account of the fickleness of his mind, and his
indifference to the excellences of both of them.


As regards the man who may have been driven away from both women, if
he has been driven away from the last one because the woman could get
more money from some other man, then he should be resorted to, for if
attached to the first woman he would give her more money, through
vanity and emulation to spite the other woman. But if he has been
driven away by the woman on account of his poverty, or stinginess, he
should not then be resorted to.


In the case of the man who may have left the one woman of his own
accord, and been driven away by the other, if he agrees to return to
the former and give her plenty of money beforehand, then he should be
resorted to.


In the case of the man who may have left the one woman of his own
accord, and be living with another woman, the former (wishing to take
up with him again) should first ascertain if he left her in the first
instance in the hope of finding some particular excellence in the
other woman, and that not having found any such excellence, he was
willing to come back to her, and to give her much money on account of
his conduct, and on account of his affection still existing for her.


Or, whether, having discovered many faults in the other woman, he
would now see even more excellences in herself than actually exist,
and would be prepared to give her much money for these qualities.


Or, lastly, to consider whether he was a weak man, or a man fond of
enjoying many women, or one who liked a poor woman, or one who never
did anything for the woman that he was with. After maturely
considering all these things, she should resort to him or not,
according to circumstances.


As regards the man who may have been driven away from the one woman,
and left the other of his own accord, the former woman (wishing to
reunite with him) should first ascertain whether he still has any
affection for her, and would consequently spend much money upon her;
or whether, being attached to her excellent qualities, he did not take
delight in any other woman; or whether, being driven away from her
formerly before completely satisfying his sexual desires, he wished to
get back to her, so as to be revenged for the injury done to him; or
whether he wished to create confidence in her mind, and then take back
from her the wealth which she formerly took from him, and finally
destroy her; or, lastly, whether he wished first to separate her from
her present lover, and then to break away from her himself. If, after
considering all these things, sire is of opinion that his intentions
are really pure and honest, she can reunite herself with him. But if
his mind be at all tainted with evil intentions, he should be avoided.


In the case of the man who may have been driven away by one woman, and
be living with another, if the man makes overtures to return to the
first one, the courtesan should consider well before she acts, and
while the other woman is engaged in attracting him to herself, she
should try in her turn (though keeping herself behind the scenes) to
gain him over, on the grounds of any of the following considerations:
\item{} That he was driven away unjustly and for no proper reason, and now
that he has gone to another woman, every effort must be used to
bring him back to myself.
\item{} That if he were once to converse with me again, he would break away
from the other woman.
\item{} That the pride of my present lover would be put down by means of
the former one.
\item{} That he has become wealthy, has secured a higher position, and
holds a place of authority under the king.
\item{} That he is separate from his wife.
\item{} That he is now independent.
\item{} That he lives apart from his father, or brother.
\item{} That by making peace with him, I shall be able to get hold of a
very rich man, who is now prevented from coming to me by my present
lover.
\item{} That as he is not respected by his wife, I shall now be able to
separate him from her.
\item{} That the friend of this man loves my rival, who hates me cordially,
I shall therefore by this means separate the friend from his
mistress.
\item{} And lastly, I shall bring discredit upon him by bringing him back
to me, thus showing the fickleness of his mind.


When a courtesan is resolved to take up again with a former lover, her
Pithamarda and other servants should tell him that his former
expulsion from the woman's house was caused by the wickedness of her
mother; that the woman loved him just as much as ever at that time,
but could not help the occurrence on account of her deference to her
mother's will; that she hated the union of her present lover, and
disliked him excessively. In addition to this, they should create
confidence in his mind by speaking to him of her former love for him,
and should allude to the mark of that love that she has ever
remembered. This mark of her love should be connected with some kind
of pleasure that may have been practised by him, such as his way of
kissing her, or manner `of having connection with her.


Thus end the ways of bringing about a reunion with a former lover.


When a woman has to choose between two lovers, one of whom was
formerly united with her, while the other is a stranger, the Acharyas
(sages) are of opinion that the first one is preferable, because his
disposition and character being already known by previous careful
observation, he can be easily pleased and satisfied; but Vatsyayana
thinks that a former lover, having already spent a great deal of his
wealth, is not able or willing to give much money again, and is not
therefore to be relied upon so much as a stranger. Particular cases
may however arise differing from this general rule on account of the
different natures of men.


There are also verses on the subject as follows:


`Reunion with a former lover may be desirable so as to separate some
particular woman from some particular man, or some particular man from
some particular woman, or to have a certain effect upon the present
lover.'


`When a man is excessively attached to a woman, he is afraid of her
coming into contact with other men; he does not then regard or notice
her faults and he gives her much wealth through fear of her leaving
him.'


`A courtesan should be agreeable to the man who is attached to her,
and despise the man who does not care for her. If while she is living
with one man, a messenger comes to her from some other man, she may
either refuse to listen to any negotiations on his part, or appoint a
fixed time for him to visit her, but she should not leave the man who
may be living with her and who may be attached to her.'


`A wise woman should only renew her connection with a former lover, if
she is satisfied that good fortune, gain, love, and friendship, are
likely to be the result of such a reunion.'



CHAPTER VOF DIFFERENT KINDS OF GAIN




WHEN a courtesan is able to realize much money every day, by reason of
many customers, she should not confine herself to a single lover;
under such circumstances, she should fix her rate for one night, after
considering the place, the season, and the condition of the people,
and having regard to her own good qualities and good looks, and after
comparing her rates with those of other courtesans. She can inform her
lovers, and friends, and acquaintances about these charges. If,
however, she can obtain a great gain from a single lover, she may
resort to him alone, and live with him like a wife.


Now the sages are of opinion that, when a courtesan has the chance of
an equal gain from two lovers at the same time, a preference should be
given to the one who would give her the kind of thing which she wants.
But Vatsyayana says that the preference should be given to the one who
gives her gold, because it cannot be taken back like some other
things, it can be easily received, and is also the means of procuring
anything that may be wished for. Of such things as gold, silver,
copper, bell metal, iron, pots, furniture, beds, upper garments, under
vestments, fragrant substances, vessels made of gourds, ghee, oil,
corn, cattle, and other things of a like nature, the first - gold - is
superior to all the others.


When the same labour is required to gain any two lovers, or when the
same kind of thing is to be got from each of them, the choice should
be made by the advice of a friend, or it may be made from their
personal qualities, or from the signs of good or bad fortune that may
be connected with them.


When there are two lovers, one of whom is attached to the courtesan,
and the other is simply very generous, the sages say that the
preference should be given to the generous lover, but Vatsyayana is of
opinion that the one who is really attached to the courtesan should be
preferred, because he can be made to be generous, even as a miser
gives money if he becomes fond of a woman, but a mail who is simply
generous cannot be made to love with real attachment. But among those
who are attached to her, if there is one who is poor, and one who is
rich, the preference is of course to be given to the latter.


When there are two lovers, one of whom is generous, and the other
ready to do any service for the courtesan, some sages say that the one
who is ready to do the service should be preferred, but Vatsyayana is
of opinion that a man who does a service thinks that he has gained his
object when he has done something once, but a generous man does not
care for what he has given before. Even here the choice should be
guided by the likelihood of the future good to be derived from her
union with either of them.


When one of the two lovers is grateful, and the other liberal, some
sages say that the liberal one should be preferred, but Vatsyayana is
of opinion that the former should be chosen, because liberal men are
generally haughty, plain spoken, and wanting in consideration towards
others. Even though these liberal men have been on friendly terms for
a long time, yet if they see any fault in the courtesan, or are told
lies about her by some other woman, they do not care for past
services, but leave abruptly. On the other hand the grateful man does
not at once break off from her, on account of a regard for the pains
she may have taken to please him. In this case also the choice is to
be guided with respect to what may happen in future.


When an occasion for complying with the request of a friend, and a
chance of getting money come together, the sages say that the chance
of getting money should be preferred. But Vatsyayana thinks that the
money can be obtained tomorrow as well as today, but if the request of
a friend be riot at once complied with, he may become disaffected.
Even here, in making the choice, regard must be paid to future good
fortune.


On such an occasion, however, the courtesan might pacify her friend by
pretending to have some work to do, and telling him that his request
will be complied with next day, and in this way secure the chance of
getting the money that has been offered her.


When the chance of getting money and the chance of avoiding some
disaster come at the same time, the sages are of opinion that the
chance of getting money should be preferred, but Vatsyayana says that
money has only a limited importance, while a disaster that is once
averted may never occur again. Here, however, the choice should be
guided by the greatness or smallness of the disaster.


The gains of the wealthiest and best kind of courtesans are to be
spent as follows:


Building temples, tanks, and gardens; giving a thousand cows to
different Brahmans; carrying on the worship of the Gods, and
celebrating festivals in their honour; and lastly, performing such
vows as may be within their means.


The gains of other courtesans are to be spent as follows:


Having a white dress to wear every day; getting sufficient food and
drink to satisfy hunger and thirst; eating daily a perfumed tambula,
i.e. a mixture of betel nut and betel leaves; and wearing ornaments
gilt with gold. The sages say that these represent the gains of all
the middle and lower classes of courtesans, but Vatsyayana is of
opinion that their gains cannot be calculated, or fixed in any way, as
these depend on the influence of the place, the customs of the people,
their own appearance, and many other things.


When a courtesan wants to keep some particular man from some other
woman; or wishes to get him away from some woman to whom he may be
attached or to deprive some woman of the gains realized by her from
him; or if she thinks that she would raise her position or enjoy some
great good fortune or become desirable to all men by uniting herself
with this man; or if she wishes to get his assistance in averting some
misfortune; or is really attached to him and loves him; or wishes to
injure some body through his means; or has regard to some former
favour conferred upon her by him; or wishes to be united with him
merely from desire; for any of the above reasons, she should agree to
take from him only a small sum of money in a friendly way.


When a courtesan intends to abandon a particular lover, and take up
with another one; or when she has reason to believe that her lover
will shortly leave her, and return to his wives; or that having
squandered all his money, and become penniless, his guardian, or
master, or father would come and take him away; or that her lover is
about to lose his position or, lastly, that he is of a very fickle
mind, she should, under any of these circumstances, endeavour to get
as much money as she can from him as soon as possible.


On the other hand, when the courtesan thinks that her lover is about
to receive valuable presents; or get a place of authority from the
king; or be near the time of inheriting a fortune; or that his ship
would soon arrive laden with merchandise; or that he has large stocks
of corn and other commodities; or that if anything was done for him it
would not be done in vain; or that he is always true to his word; then
should she have regard to her future welfare, and live with the man
like a wife.


There are also verses on the subject as follows:


`In considering her present gains, and her future welfare, a courtesan
should avoid such persons as have gained their means of subsistence
with very great difficulty, as also those who have become selfish and
hard-hearted by becoming the favourites of kings.'


`She should make every endeavour to unite herself with prosperous and
well-to-do people, and with those whom it is dangerous to avoid, or to
slight in any way. Even at some cost to herself she should become
acquainted with energetic and liberal-minded men, who when pleased
would give her a large sum of money, even for very little service, or
for some small thing.'



CHAPTER VIOF GAINS AND LOSSES; ATTENDANT GAINS AND LOSSESAND DOUBTS; AS ALSO OF THE DIFFERENT KINDS OFCOURTESANS}




IT sometimes happens that while gains are being sought for, or
expected to be realized, losses only are the result of our efforts.
The causes of these losses are:
\item{*} Weakness of intellect
\item{*} Excessive love
\item{*} Excessive pride
\item{*} Excessive self conceit
\item{*} Excessive simplicity
\item{*} Excessive confidence
\item{*} Excessive anger
\item{*} Carelessness
\item{*} Recklessness
\item{*} Influence of evil genius
\item{*} Accidental circumstances


The results of these losses are:
\item{*} Expense incurred without any result
\item{*} Destruction of future good fortune
\item{*} Stoppage of gains about to be realized
\item{*} Loss of what is already obtained
\item{*} Acquisition of a sour temper
\item{*} Becoming unamiable to every body
\item{*} Injury to health
\item{*} Loss of hair and other accidents


Now gain is of three kinds: gain of wealth, gain of religious merit,
and gain of pleasure; and similarly loss is of three kinds: loss of
wealth, loss of religious merit, and loss of pleasure. At the time
when gains are sought for, if other gains come along with them, these
are called attendant gains. When gain is uncertain, the doubt of its
being a gain is called a simple doubt. When there is a doubt whether
either of two things will happen or not, it is called a mixed doubt.
If while one thing is being done two results take place, it is called
a combination of two results, and if several results follow from the
same action, it is called a combination of results on every side.


We shall now give examples of the above.


As already stated, gain is of three kinds, and loss, which is opposed
to gain, is also of three kinds.


When by living with a great man a courtesan acquires present wealth,
and in addition to this becomes acquainted with other people, and thus
obtains a chance of future fortune, and an accession of wealth, and
becomes desirable to all, this is called a gain of wealth attended by
other gain.


When by living with a man a courtesan simply gets money, this is
called a gain of wealth not attended by any other gain.


When a courtesan receives money from other people besides her lover,
the results are the chance of the loss of future good from her present
lover; the chance of disaffection of a man securely attached to her;
the hatred of all; and the chance of a union with some low person,
tending to destroy her future good. This gain is called a gain of
wealth attended by losses.


When a courtesan, at her own expense, and without any results in the
shape of gain, has connection with a great man, or an avaricious
minister, for the sake of diverting some misfortune, or removing some
cause that may be threatening the destruction of a great gain, this
loss is said to be a loss of wealth attended by gains of the future
good which it may bring about.


When a courtesan is kind, even at her own expense, to a man who is
very stingy, or to a man proud of his looks, or to an ungrateful man
skilled in gaining the hearts of others, without any good resulting
from these connections to her in the end, this loss is called a loss
of wealth not attended by any gain.


When a courtesan is kind to any such man as described above, but who
in addition is a favourite of the king, and moreover cruel and
powerful, without any good result in the end, and with a chance of her
being turned away at any moment, this loss is called a loss of wealth
attended by other losses.


In this way gains and losses, and attendant gains and losses in
religious merit and pleasures may become known to the reader, and
combinations of all of them may also be made.


Thus end the remarks on gains and losses, and attendant gains and
losses.


In the next place we come to doubts, which are again of three kinds:
doubts about wealth, doubts about religious merit, and doubts about
pleasures.


The following are examples:


When a courtesan is not certain how much a man may give her, or spend
upon her, this is called a doubt about wealth.


When a courtesan feels doubtful whether she is right in entirely
abandoning a lover from whom she is unable to get money, she having
taken all his wealth from him in the first instance, this doubt is
called a doubt about religious merit.


When a courtesan is unable to get hold of a lover to her liking, and
is uncertain whether she will derive any pleasure from a person
surrounded by his family, or from a low person, this is called a doubt
about pleasure.


When a courtesan is uncertain whether some powerful but low principled
fellow would cause loss to her on account of her not being civil to
him this is called a doubt about the loss of wealth.


When a courtesan feels doubtful whether she would lose religious merit
by abandoning a man who is attached to her without giving him the
slightest favour, and thereby causing him unhappiness in this world
and the next,\footnote{$^1$}
{The souls of men who die with their desires unfulfilled are
said to go to the world of the Manes, and not direct to the
Supreme Spirit.}
this doubt is called a doubt about the loss of a
religious merit.


When a courtesan is uncertain as to whether she might create
disaffection by speaking out, and revealing her love and thus not get
her desire satisfied, this is called a doubt about the loss of
pleasure.


Thus end the remarks on doubts.


\centerline{Mixed Doubts}


The intercourse or connection with a stranger, whose disposition is
unknown, and who may have been introduced by a lover, or by one who
possessed authority, may be productive either of gain or loss, and
therefore this is called a mixed doubt about the gain and loss of
wealth.


When a courtesan is requested by a friend, or is impelled by pity to
have intercourse with a learned Brahman, a religious student, a
sacrificer, a devotee, or an ascetic who may have all fallen in love
with her, and who may be consequently at the point of death, by doing
this she might either gain or lose religious merit, and therefore this
is called a mixed doubt about the gain and loss of religious merit.


If a courtesan relies solely upon the report of other people (i.e.
hearsay) about a man, and goes to him without ascertaining herself
whether he possesses good qualities or not, she may either gain or
lose pleasure in proportion as he may be good or bad, and therefore
this is called a mixed doubt about the gain and loss of pleasure.


Uddalika has described the gains and losses on both sides as follows:


If, when living with a lover, a courtesan gets both wealth and
pleasure from him, it is called a gain on both sides.


When a courtesan lives with a lover at her own expense without getting
any profit out of it, and the lover even takes back from her what he
may have formerly given her, it is called a loss on both sides.


When a courtesan is uncertain whether a new acquaintance would become
attached to her, and, moreover, if he became attached to her, whether
he would give her anything, it is then called a doubt on both sides
about gains.


When a courtesan is uncertain whether a former enemy, if made up by
her at her own expense, would do her some injury on account of his
grudge against her; or, if becoming attached to her, would take away
angrily from her anything that he may have given to her, this is
called a doubt on both sides about loss.


Babhravya has described the gains and losses on both sides as follows:


When a courtesan can get money from a man whom she may go to see, and
also money from a man whom she may not go to see, this is called a
gain on both sides.


When a courtesan has to incur further expense if she goes to see a
man, and yet runs the risk of incurring an irremediable loss if she
does not go to see him, this is called a loss on both sides.


When a courtesan is uncertain whether a particular man would give her
anything on her going to see him, without incurring expense on her
part or whether on her neglecting him another man would give her
something, this is called a doubt on both sides about gain.


When a courtesan is uncertain whether, on going at her own expense to
see an old enemy, he would take back from her what he may have given
her, or whether by her not going to see him he would cause some
disaster to fall upon her, this is called a doubt on both sides about
loss.


By combining the above, the following six kinds of mixed results are
produced:
\item{*} Gain on one side, and loss on the other
\item{*} Gain on one side, and doubt of gain on the other
\item{*} Gain on one side, and doubt of loss on the other
\item{*} Loss on one side, and doubt of gain on the other
\item{*} Doubt of gain on one side, and doubt of loss on the other
\item{*} Doubt of loss on one side, and loss on the other


A courtesan, having considered all the above things and taken counsel
with her friends, should act so as to acquire gain, the chances of
great gain, and the warding off of any great disaster. Religious merit
and pleasure should also be formed into separate combinations like
those of wealth, and then all should be combined with each other, so
as to form new combinations.


When a courtesan consorts with men she should cause each of them to
give her money as well as pleasure. At particular times, such as the
Spring Festivals, etc., she should make her mother announce to the
various men, that on a certain day her daughter would remain with the
man who would gratify such and such a desire of hers.


When young men approach her with delight, she should think of what she
may accomplish through them.


The combination of gains and losses on all sides are gain on one side,
and loss on all others; loss on one side and gain on all others; gain
on all sides, loss on all sides.


A courtesan should also consider doubts about gain and doubts about
loss with reference both to wealth, religious merit, and pleasure.


Thus ends the consideration of gain, loss, attendant gains, attendant
losses, and doubts.


The different kinds of courtesans are:
\item{*} A bawd
\item{*} A female attendant
\item{*} An unchaste woman
\item{*} A dancing girl
\item{*} A female artisan
\item{*} A woman who has left her family
\item{*} A woman living on her beauty
\item{*} And, finally, a regular courtesan


All the above kinds of courtesans are acquainted with various kinds of
men, and should consider the ways of getting money from them of
pleasing them, of separating themselves from them, and of reuniting
with them. They should also take into consideration particular gains
and losses, attendant gains and losses, and doubts in accordance with
their several conditions.


Thus end the considerations of courtesans.


There are also two verses on the subject as follows:


`Men want pleasure, while women want money, and therefore this part,
which treats of the means of gaining wealth, should be studied.'


`There are some women who seek for love, and there are others who seek
for money; for the former the ways of love are told in previous
portions of this work, while the ways of getting money, as practised
by courtesans, are described in this part.


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